Wondering???

I wonder if God cries,
When His children walk away?
Does he give up?
Is there nothing else to say?
Do the tears flow forever?
Or are they just a mist gone like a treasure?
Does he try to win us back?
Or does he cut us some slack?
Is he running so hard he can’t catch his breath?
Or is he just waiting for us to come to him and rest?
I wonder if God screams,
When he’s mad at you and me?
Do words of frustration flow from his mouth?
Or does he just call our names out?
I wonder if God gets sad,
When he figures out we don’t turn back.
Do tears roll down his face?
Does he turn around in disgrace?
I wonder how God reacts
When he sees his world is so black.
Does he get depressed and want to cry
Or does he just turn around and say good-bye?

Hiding from You

I'm hiding from you and don't know why,
I'm doing things that make you cry.
I've lost the sense of your presence,
And my life is now dense.
I shouldn't have left your side.
Now all I want to do is hide.
You know where I am all the time,
Even when I'm committing a crime.
I should call out to you during all times of the day.
For some reason I don't know if that's okay.
I come to you about my troubles,
And sometimes they just double.
I know that you will helop me through them all,
But sometimes I refuse to call.
I don't want to burden you with my pain,
So I just keep it in my heart and it begins to stain.
The pain slowly seeps through,
And that's when i don't know what to do.
I turn my back so you won't see me suffering.
I know now that makes your heart sting.
You called me home so many times.
You held out your hands and said everything will turn out fine.
I don't know if I can understand that right now,
Because I'm lost in a crowd.
I'm lost in the world and can't find a way out.
I find I don't cling onto you and shout.
I hold on to my own strength and it doesn't get me anywhere,
And sometimes I no longer care.
I don't want you to know where I am,
because I am caught up in sin.
I can't make it anymore,
I have to open another door.
All of the doors are locked,
And I'm being mocked.
You're the only way out,
It's now when I shout.
Why do I wait until I'm so far down?
Why do I wait until I'm bound?
I know you're the only way,
And by your side I want to stay
The world pulls me down,
And when I realize that I don't make a sound.
I figure I could do it without you
But without you I don't know what to do.
I have to keep looking to the sky,
Because you're the one who'll help me fly.

Walls (Joshua 6)

Bricks, stones, cement and clay
These and more keep You away.
I don't want You in
Let me soak up my sin.
Nor do I want to leave
So just let me be.
I'm content with my way of living
I'm not bothered by all my sinning.

You see I've been hurt many times before,
So I decided to just close all doors.
I've been left beaten and bruised.
So why would I choose You?
My fear is you will do the same they did to me
And I can't possibly let that be.

Love me from a distance but don't get to close.
I have problems I don't want You to diagnose.
I am told your yoke is easy and your burden is light,
But I can't help but put up a fight.
It's often said You're waiting for me to come to you;
Right now I don't know what to do.

I've protected myself for so many years.
I've pushed back all my fears and many of tears.
Please don't break this wall: it's all I know
Please don't break this wall: it's all I have to show.
I've finally surrendered to Your will.
Now all the demons inside of me are killed.

Forget about Me

Here I am once again fallen and displaced.
Here I am once again a beautiful disgrace.
Where should I go now that I have sinned?
Where should I go, surely you don’t want me back again?
I have fallen many times before,
Now I can’t bring myself to your door.
Please don’t call on me.
I’m not the one; I can’t be your everything.
Don’t tell me I am perfect,
For there is much to correct.
Don’t tell me about your unbinding love.
Even your love isn’t enough.
The holes are deep
The scars they heap.
The wounds don’t heal
The heart never seals.
I’m not blaming you,
There’s just no more to do.
So don’t feel sorry for the loss.
Just consider it one less for the cross.
Be happy that you don’t have to contend with me
Be happy you don’t have to see.

Run

I never know where I’m going,
Never know what to do.
I’m ready at a moment’s notice
To do what You say to do.
I couldn’t stand living apart
The separation broke my heart.
I ran to you when my days went wrong.
Now I run to you all day long.
By your grace I am healed
Through the Word I saw You revealed.
This revelation brought tears to my soul.
I realized then I couldn’t go through life alone.
I ran to Your presence broken and ashamed.
Now I’m running to you new and acclaimed.
You took me and scrubbed away all the dirt;
You took away all of my hurt.
Love is something I never grasped.
I now realize that’s because of my past.
My definition of life has changed,
And thankfully, You are to blame.

Princess

You call my Your Princess,
and You are the King.
I feel like a servant,
worthless and weak.
You call me to Your Presence;
I bow in disbelief.
I cry when You call me beautiful,
because I know not what it means.
You embrace me with a hug,
and already I feel its' to much.
I shout out I'm sorry,
You look at me and smile.
You lift my chin to see to see my face,
my eyes are read and full of disgrace.
I look away from Your eyes
feeling full of shame.
You kiss my head
and these words you say:
"I love you because you are My precious daughter.
Come. Crawl into my lap and let me hold you while you cry.
I will never leave you or forsake you.
You are BEAUTIFUL, my Princess, You are royalty."

Journey

Setting out on a new adventure,
I’m ready for what you put in my way.
I’m letting go of everything I know,
And I’m putting you first.
You are the author of my life,
You are writing my story.
The ending is not yet clear to me.
Nor is the middle, but I trust in you.
When I have problems big and small,
I’ll just cry out and you’ll take away all my fears.
Thou none go with me I know I’m not alone.
I know you are walking beside me through it all.
I’m scared to death of the new things ahead,
But I know that you have great plans.
I trusted in you and listened to your voice,
And you laid your plans before me.
Another chapter of my life is about to begin,
And I know you’ll be there beginning to the end.
There is no mountain too high or wave too strong,
With you beside me, I’ll always stand tall.
I’m setting out on a new adventure,
And I’m ready for anything you put in my way.