The Pain

All this pain that I’m going through
I wish someone would tell me what to do.
I know I must hold on,
But for how long?
I don’t want to cope like I did before,
I think I closed that door.
Right now this coping mechanism feels so right,
But if I do so, a sin will be committed out of sight.
I’ve spent so much time trying to end this.
I can’t go back because of someone I miss.
I know some people who live life by the thread
And wish that they were dead.
I use to live this way almost everyday,
But now I know it’s not okay.
I want to call out to God, but I don’t know if I could.
I haven’t done all of the things I should.
There are so many people there
And I realize that they really care.
How do I talk to them?
How can I tell them about back then?
So many thing from the past have hit me head on
That I don’t know if I can hold on.
Sometimes I think my faith is going down the drain,
And all I feel is the rain.
I’ve been wanting to talk,
But for some reason my feet keep telling me to walk.
I don’t know how to deal,
And so most of the time my lips will stay sealed.
I try to act like everything is okay,
But when somebody asks I don’t know what to say.
I don’t want to cry because I will fall apart,
I feel like I’ve been struck in my heart.
There is a whole big enough for a truck to drive through
And all the time I’m wondering what to do.
Who am I to call
When I feel like I’m going to fall?
I know I can pray,
But lately it doesn’t seem to be working out that way.
It feels as though my life is a living hell,
And I’m trying to figure out if that is life in a nut shell.
I’m just hoping and praying that I will make it though,
And wondering if God will help me through.